I have often walked down this street before, but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before. All at once I'm several stories high knowing I'm on the street where you live.
-Alan Jay Lerner
So I had this month's blog all written and ready to go, just another read through to be sure, then post and watch Downton Abbey. It's a beautiful night outside here in Colorful Colorado so I went out for a walk and some fresh air, get a little time away from the blog, then re-read and see if I still like it. But then . . .
I ran into someone I know while I was out and it all changed.
Why do we see people at some points in our lives? Why do we run into people at the bus stop, on a walk, in a bar? In my neighborhood that's not really much of a question because I live in a very neighborhood-y 'hood. I see people I know all the time, but some more than others. Now, I should point out that when I saw this person I had rounded the corner from a circle I take often and was quite near my friends house so not really a mystery . . . but what are the odds? 100%. The odds are 100%, we see the people we are intended to see in that place and at that time, we just don't always know why. Sometimes there's no "why" at all. I saw my next door neighbor earlier today and he asked to borrow an egg, not an incident that I will ever think of again unless I am re-reading this post. But other times, times that give you a strong reaction, times that make you feel embarrassed or happy or sad or melancholy or angry . . . or all of those at once; "Oh my God I don't want to see him, do I jump in a bush?!" or "Oh holy crap! I am so happy to see you I want to run and jump up on you and kiss your whole face!". 'Tis a quandry at times.
A couple of years ago I saw a man I had dated many years before out to breakfast with his girlfriend. Any pain and animosity between he and I is long since gone and we are quite good friends, time heals all wounds. That said, I had never seen him with another woman and I had to check in with myself for a minute; "How do I feel about this? Am I ok?". Turns out I was ok, but I needed a minute to do a scan. No break up is easy, but at least when someone tells you "I just can't do it" and it turns out they really can't, then you can feel good about getting the truth and I believe this is why he and I are friends. The crazy thing about this story is, I live in Denver, he lives in Summit County, and we saw each other in Crested Butte. What are the odds? 100%. The odds are 100%, and he is still my dear friend, I love him more than ice cream . . . well, some flavors anyway.
You all know I write this stuff to make you laugh and to make you feel comforted if and when you do the same dumb shit I do. It takes some amount of vulnerability to share my crazy life and this past year, more than ever, I am learning the value of vulnerability. Being vulnerable relies on truth telling, not acting like you've always got it all together, not being the one-man band with the cymbals between my knees, trained monkey dancing on my shoulder, million dollar smile, every joke a winner, juggling fire, and an enormous bank account to boot. You can only keep that shit up for so long before all the fire sticks you've been juggling fall down around you and burn up all the old crap. Being vulnerable, telling the truth, and opening ones self up is scary . . . but if you are as blessed as I am you have a someone or two in your life that you can tell everything and they love you still, just as much, possibly more for being truthful and real. Real people are way more interesting than fire jugglers, and way more relatable.
More and more I have opened myself up to vulnerable situations and, whaddya know, more and more good stuff comes to me. It's the abandonment of fear . . . no, that's not right, it's the acceptance perhaps of fear. Stuff is gonna scare ya, so are you just going to hide forever? Not say how you you feel? Not spend time alone to find out who you are? Oddly, this is exactly what the blog I already wrote is about, so maybe we can just call this one part 1.
In this case, I can tell you why I saw this person (hellooooo vulnerable, I am about to share something private!). It's because I prayed/sent good vibes/mediated/whatever you like to call it, about this person JUST YESTERDAY. Yes, it's true, I did. I can't tell you more than that because then it's really private and gets into someone else's business and I am not at liberty to do such. You all know you're safe with me, none of your confidences show up here, nor will they ever. But I will take this semi public forum to admit that I thought of this person, and was then drawn in that direction, and then BAM! HELLO YOU ON THE STREET!
Why do we run into people? For fun sometimes, I ran into a friend in Moab a couple of years ago, how fun is that?! For a quick check in sometimes, I saw my friend on the 16th mall shuttle and I am NEVER on that thing. And other times, maybe there are bigger reasons; to let you know you are ok, to let you know you are not ok, to let you know you are loved, to let you know that there other things in the world for you but maybe they are on a different path. If you find a reason, then God love ya that's awesome, and if you can't, maybe it's nothing more than a neighbor borrowing an egg.
I love every last one of you.